


My Angel

by horsemanofpestilence



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7525687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horsemanofpestilence/pseuds/horsemanofpestilence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean had a troubling childhood, and his father is abusive. He has no friends, and therefore no one to trust. But when he becomes friends with Cas (The boy Dean has loved for the last 4 years of his life) Dean realizes that he doesn't have to live life alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walking Home

**Author's Note:**

> There are several triggering topics in the story, I will put a warning before any chapters that involve it.

Tick. Tick. Tick. The clock’s hand slowly rotated, signaling to Dean that the day would never end. He was sitting in his math class, bored out of his mind. He really wanted to get out of the room right then and there, to see Cas.

Dean had a crush on him for a long time. Of course, Dean dated a few girls, hoping that he could find one that would spark some attraction, but never could he find a girl as fine as him. RING. Class was over. Dean grabbed his stuff and ran out of the class.

As Dean was walking home from school, he decided to take the scenic route. His dad was home early, and Dean wanted to prolong his moments of peace and quiet. Instead of the left he usually took to get home, Dean took a right. This would add about 15 minutes to his walk. 

He thought about the day before this moment, every class he sat through dying of boredom. He already knew everything they were teaching him. Dean was advanced for his grade level. He had the intelligence of a college sophomore trapped in the body of a high school senior. Due to his smarts, he was ridiculed by basically everyone.

Dean had been absent-mindedly walking for the last 5 minutes. When he finally realized this, he looked up. Two things happened simultaneously at that very moment. One, Dean realized he made a wrong turn. Two, he walked head-first into a stop sign. He fell with a painful yelp. He lay on the concrete, the world spinning for what seemed like hours. He heard footsteps. Not light footsteps, heavy ones. Like someone was running. He heard a voice say, “Are you alright Dean?” Dean, still shaken up from the collision, struggled to see the blurry person kneeling beside him. Finally able to focus, he saw Cas.

Dean flinched. He didn’t expect to see Cas walking home. Then he realized that he had made a wrong turn, right in front of Cas’s way home. 

Cas looked worried. “Are you okay?” Dean sat up. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Cas put out his hand. Dean took it. He felt a powerful pull. He hadn’t expected Cas to be so strong. He wasn’t ready for it, so he stood up, then fell back down. Right on top of Cas.

Dean was shocked. He didn’t know what to do. He just awkwardly got off of Cas and kneeled beside him. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” Cas turned over and smiled, “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” Cas sat up. Dean looked at Cas and saw the big, ocean blue eyes he fell in love with in the first place.

Dean realized he was staring and blushed. He stood up and so did Cas. They both continued on their way home, which, of course, was the same direction. Cas was the first to speak.

“So, Dean? How is it that we’ve been in the same school for over 4 years, and we’ve never talked?” “I don’t know,” Dean replied. They talked the whole walk home. Dean didn’t even realize he had walked with Cas to his house. He only did once Cas said, “There’s my house. See you tomorrow Dean.” Dean smiled. “See you tomorrow,” he said. As the door closed behind Cas, Dean immediately felt lonely. It was nice to actually have someone to talk to. He walked home silently.


	2. Friends

After that fateful day walking home from school, Dean and Cas grew closer every day. They eat lunch together, they hang out between classes, every chance they get, they are together. Dean walks home with Cas every day, even if it adds 20 minutes to his walk. They begin to trust each other more than anyone else. They share secrets, they lend each other things, they have sleepovers almost every other weekend.

6 months later  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dean?” Cas said, one bright afternoon. They were sitting under an oak tree in Cas’s backyard. “What Cas?” Dean replied. “You trust me, right?” Cas said. Dean looked at him perplexed. “Of course..?” Cas smiled. “Can I ask you a question?” Dean smiled back, “Sure Cas” Cas’s smile faded. “Why do we only hang out at my house? You claim your dad doesn’t like visitors, but I know there’s something else going on.” Dean looked at Cas, confused. “There’s nothing else. He just doesn’t like visitors.” “Dean,” Cas looked worried, “You are a terrible liar. Please, what’s going on.”

Dean faltered. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it as if contemplating what to say. After doing this a couple times, he finally spoke. 

“When I was 4, my mother was killed. A murderer snuck into my house and lit the nursery on fire. My dad was a drinker beforehand, but afterwards? Every night he was either at the bar, passed out, or both. He abused me for years, mentally and physically. He told me that both of their deaths were my fault.” “Both?” Cas said, confused. Dean looked like he was holding back tears. 

“The night my mom died, my dad told me to take my brother, Sam, and run. I was frozen in place, I didn’t know what to do. When I finally made my way to Sam’s room, it was too late. The flames blocked the door, I wouldn’t be able to walk through without killing myself. So I made the decision that has haunted me, my memories, my dreams! I ran out of the house. Sammy died that night. I have never regretted anything more in my life.” Cas was tearing up. But Dean, he started bawling. He laid his head on Cas’s shoulder and cried. Cas normally didn’t like people on him, but Dean was in such a bad state, he let it go. They sat for a long time while Dean unloaded all the stress that he kept bottled up in his life, because for the first time in his life, he had someone to trust, someone to get help from, a friend.


	3. Secrets

Cas was sitting at the lunch table him and Dean usually sat at. It was their favorite table, as it was right in the shade of the trees. Most people didn’t like to sit outside for lunch, so it was just Cas and Dean. Alone. Together. Cas really just wanted to kiss Dean’s big beautiful lips. Cas had a crush on Dean. Has had one for about 4 years. Since he first saw Dean and his infinite green eyes. Cas could look at them all day.  

Cas opened his lunch bag. He just had the basics. A ham sandwich, a can of soda, and a bag of chips. He usually waited for Dean to come outside to start eating, but Dean was late today. That’s strange. Dean’s never late. Cas waited for a couple more minutes, then the suspense was killing him. Cas got up and walked into the school.

Cas looked in the cafeteria, but Dean wasn’t there. He walked through the halls, looking for Dean. He passed almost all of Dean’s classes, in hopes that Dean might be working on something, but no sign of him.

As he walked by, he heard someone in the music room. Cas was about to walk in when he heard the music emanating from the room. It was beautiful, to say the least. Cas was frozen in place, lost in his own head, listening to the wonderful tune coming from the class.

Cas walked in and was shocked to see Dean at the piano. Dean turned around and gasped before scrambling up. “How much did you hear!?” Cas’s eyes widened. “I only listened for a minute or two. Dean sighed and sat down. “Good.” “I’ve never heard that song before, is it on the radio?” Cas asked. Dean hesitantly answered, “No it’s, uh, not on the radio. “Huh,” Cas said, “Who wrote it?

“Well, it’s, uh, a song, that I… I wrote,” Dean answered. Cas whole face lit up. “Oh my god, really? When did you write it?” Dean answered, “I started at the beginning of the school year, and finished last week. Cas looked at Dean in admiration. “You spent 7 months on a song? You must be really devoted.” “Yeah,” Dean said.

Cas smiled. “Can you play it for me?” Dean looked down. “Um... sure, I guess.” Dean cleared his throat and started playing. The music wrapped around Cas’s head like a rope. It whipped him into a daze. He loved the song, its rhythm, its beat, everything. But something was missing.

The song seemed to be instrumental, but Cas was confused. Dean had told Cas himself that he didn’t like music without words. Cas asked, “Does it have lyrics?” Dean stopped playing. “Yeah, it does.” “Can you sing them?” Cas asked. Dean took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

Dean turned back to the piano, said, “My Angel, by Dean Winchester" and started singing. Cas was awestruck. Dean had the most wonderful voice he had ever heard.

_When I was a boy._

_My momma told me._

_The angels will look after you._

_Much longer than me._

 

_Late that night my momma burned._

_Along with Sammy too._

_My dad blamed me for the incident._

_I didn't know what to do._

 

_I looked to the angels._

_Hoping they would help._

_I prayed and prayed night and day._

_For one to come and save me._

 

_Years later, after the incident had long passed._

_I had all but forgotten about my wish._

_But knew it would never come true._

_Because wishes don’t come true in this cruel, cruel world._

 

_But then I saw him._

_My angel._

_He had a tall, slender frame._

_And eyes like the ocean._

 

_The angel didn’t seem to notice me._

_So I prayed every night that he would._

_And soon enough he did._

_And we became best of friends._

 

_But even that wasn’t enough._

_I grew to love this angel._

_I thought it was just an infatuation at first._

_But after 4 years, those usually fade._

 

_No_

_This is more than an infatuation._

_This is love._

_And it is stronger than I have ever seen._  
  
Cas snapped out of his daze. “That was… beautiful, Dean. I understand the first part, but who is the angel you wrote about?” Cas was hopeful. Maybe Dean did love him back? When Dean replied, "You, Cas. It's about you," Cas nearly exploded with joy. Dean said, "I love you Cas." Cas ran and hugged Dean. "I love you too."


	4. Good Things Don't Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Highlight to see  
> Cutting and Depression
> 
> I am having a bit of writer's block at the moment (I've been planning how the work will go, and I'm not sure how I want to transition to the next part) so Chapter 5 might not be out for a little bit. Stay tuned, I will publish the chapter as soon as its done.

It was a hot April afternoon. Cas opted for a white tee-shirt instead of the usual tan jacket. Even with that, Cas still felt like he was going to melt.

He felt bad for Dean, who had chosen to wear a long sleeve jacket, like usual. Cas wondered why Dean always wore long sleeved shirts. Maybe it was a sentimental thing? Maybe he just didn’t like short sleeved shirts? Cas wasn’t sure.

It had been two weeks since Cas and Dean got together. No one knew about it of course. Everyone knew they were best friends, though, so it wasn’t hard to hang out with each other. 

One day, as they were walking to Cas’s house to hang out. They were having a conversation about the wildest subjects, as usual.

“I wonder what happens after you die,” Cas said. Dean answered, “I believe that life is just some horrific joke, without a punchline. That we’re all just biding our time until the sweet release of death.” Normally Cas would question an answer like that, but Dean says things like that all the time. “What are you quoting this time?” Cas said smiling. Dean grinned, “Gravity Falls.” Cas sighed, still smiling.

They were halfway to Cas’s house by now. They decided to take a detour through the park because there was a tree they both loved.

It was a big tree, with branches that were perfect to climb on. At the top, there were two branches that formed a sort of bench that Dean and Cas loved to sit on.

“Watch, Cas! I’m going to do a pull-up!” Dean yelled. Cas smiled, “I doubt you can do it, with your noodle arms.” Dean smirked, “Watch me.” He jumped up and grabbed a branch that was above his head. Dean turned to face Cas. Cas smiled at Dean, until…

Cas looked at Dean’s arms, and more specifically, his wrists. The position of Dean’s arms pulled his jacket up a little bit. Cas swore he saw something red on Dean’s wrist. His stomach dropped.  _ Those are cuts. _ Dean noticed Cas was staring at his wrists. He immediately dropped from the branch and pulled up his sleeves. “What are you looking at?” Cas dropped his gaze. “Nothing, just staring off into space.”

They left the park and headed for Cas’s house. Cas couldn’t stop thinking of what he saw. He wasn’t even sure what he saw. It could have been a scratch from an animal or just a trick of the light. Cas decided it wasn’t anything important, as the shadow of the tree often made things look different. 

As they arrived at Cas’s house, Dean immediately excused himself to the bathroom. Cas noticed that he grabbed something out of his backpack first, but left the backpack behind. Cas felt guilty about it, but he needed to disprove what he thought he saw.

Pyjamas, clothes for the next day, deodorant, all the normal stuff you’d find in a sleepover pack. After checking all the pockets, Cas saw something shine in the light. He tentatively reached in the bag and felt cold metal.

Cas grabbed it and took it out of the bag. Cas almost broke down looking at it. It was a small razor blade.

Cas ran to the bathroom. He didn’t even bother knocking, he just opened the door. Dean immediately put his hands (and the band-aid he was holding, which Cas saw) behind his back. Dean said, “Woah, what are you doing?” Cas said in a weak voice, “Dean. What are you holding?” Dean replied, “Just a band-aid.” Cas narrowed his eyes. “For what? Your  _ cuts _ ?” 

The word rang through the room. Dean hesitated, then said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cas said angrily, “Show me.” Dean sighed and said, “Look, Cas. It’s not as bad as you think.” Cas yelled, “I DON’T CARE! SHOW ME NOW!” Dean looked down. He held out his wrists. 

Cas walked to Dean and held up his arms. He said in a quiet voice, “Oh my god.” Dean had what looked like dozens of cuts, on both wrists. Cas started sobbing, “How could you, Dean?” Dean looked at Cas with tears in his eyes.

“My dad. He always tells me that I’m a lost cause. A broken child. He tells me that it was my fault Mom and Sam died. He hits me. He reminds me of everything I hate about myself. I hear his voice in my head, telling me to end my worthless life. Once blood is drawn the voice stops.” Dean said quietly. “How did you find out?”

Cas sobbed even harder. “I found a razor in your backpack.” Dean looked appalled. “You looked in my bag?” Cas looked at him. “I thought I saw the cuts earlier when you were hanging on the tree. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I had to look.” Dean smiled through the tears. “Thank you, Cas. For being there for me when you thought I was in trouble.” Cas smiled, still crying. “How long have you been doing it?” Dean stopped smiling. “For the last year.” Cas also stopped smiling. “That long? Dean…” then he had a thought. “Stay here.” 

Cas ran to his mom’s bedroom (Both of Cas’s parents weren’t home) and grabbed one of his mom’s hair bands. He ran back to the bathroom and gave it to Dean. “Whenever you feel like cutting, take this band and snap yourself with it as many times as you need to. Now, are there more blades?” Dean replied, “No, only the one.” 

Cas replied, “Good. Now, Dean, look at me. Your dad may tell you that you are bad, but you are not. You need to ignore him. You are nice, respectful, respect-worthy, beautiful, creative, smart, and inspiring.” Dean smiled. Cas continued, “I love you, Dean. No, more than that. I  _ need _ you.” Then both Dean and Cas started sobbing again. They embraced. Dean and Cas truly loved and cared for each other, and that was a good thing that would never end.


	5. Times Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a long time since I updated, but I've been having terrible writer's block. I'm going to (hopefully) start updating regularly.

20 Years Later

"Dean! Charlie! Kevin! Get in the car! I don't want to be late for the plane!" Cas yelled. "I'm so excited!" Charlie said to Kevin. "Me too!" Kevin replied. "Okay Angel," Dean said to Cas. Cas smiled, "I told you I don't like that name." Really, Cas loved it. 

It had been 20 years since him and Dean started dating. They both graduated high school and college. Dean got his Master's degree in Physics, while Cas got one in Computer Science. About a year after they graduated college, Dean proposed to Cas.

He took Cas to Disneyland, then after they watched the fireworks, Dean popped the question. Cas said yes, of course.

They had a big reception. All of Cas's family came, and all of their friends too. John sent a letter to Dean, telling him off for being gay and getting married since Dean will obviously kill this one too. Cas tried to take the letter out of Dean's hand before he could read it, but it was too late. After he finished reading it, Cas asked if he was ok. Dean answered, "F*** this jackass. Let's eat some cake!" After the cake came out, Dean took a candle out of it and burned the letter with it. Everyone cheered.

After two years, Dean and Cas decided they wanted a family. After being rejected multiple times, they finally were allowed to adopt the kids they wanted. They were 6-year-old twins, named Charlie and Kevin. They all became a family soon after.

Cut Back To The Present

"I told you I don't like that name," Cas said, smiling. Dean, also smiling, replied, "I know you love it." They were all heading to Oregon to see the caves and snow. Living in Florida now, the Winchester family had never seen snow. This would change that.

Charlie was beyond excited. She wanted to see if there were any monsters in the caves, even though Kevin had repeatedly told her there were none. "I don't care if you don't think there are any, I'll find out myself," Charlie said. Kevin replied smiling, "Fine, whatever."

Dean was particularly excited for the snow, as it had been his childhood dream to build a snowman, climb inside, and scare people. 

Cas was excited for the snow too, so he could make snow angels with his family.

The family imagined what Oregon would be like until their thoughts were interrupted by a loud noise, a powerful push, and darkness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it was short, I ran out of ideas. I have the entire ending planned in my head, so it should be longer.


End file.
